ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That's it... It's like breathing you've done it all your life. You knew how before you were even eborn. Or did you?: YOu were in your mothers womb was there oxygen in there? Could you breathe? Can I breathe now? Am I breathing? Or have i gone lame and forgotten the one instinct that wasn't needed to be taught. Are instincts needed to be taught? Isnt' that what the purpose of instincts are? Knowing without being taught? What about love? You love your parents from the time you were born right? How could you learn when you can carely walk and you piss in pieces of plastic and special paper from shelves from stores. What about then? Is love instinct? I'm having a hard time believing anything in this world. I just realized how boring it was. People need problems because you then end up with a utopia. Inner thought: No wonder that damn book was so boring. No one wants world peace. People need problems. Famous line: Humans have an inner instinct to destroy themselves. Maybe that's it. I need to destroy myself. I just forgot how because everything is so boring. BECAUSE WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINBT OF LIVING WHEN YOU CAN'T FEEL ALIVE?! I'm not sad because fuck...there's no point. Honestly, life is good. So what's wrong with me? Finally when I don't feel pain...I'm just bored. I don't want to back but if it brings me some sort of feeling back into my heart then hell torture me. People underestimate pain. It lets you know that you are alive. (Geeze, how many times have you heard that?) I've felt dead before though. I know what it's like to experience pain. This isn't death. I don't feel dead inside. Just bored. Just bored. That is exactly what it is. Nothing pleases me. That is the problem. How do you cure that? And the answer would seem simple just start things up. I have no talent find some...right? Go join classes, get a job, get fit. Right? Learn something. But I have no motivation. I'm going to die anyway? I just don't understand. Everything seems so hard. So why not try for it right? Because I just want it to be easy. And there's the problem again because if it comes easy I won't do it anyway. I'll do it for a second and then not finish because it bores me. I want to be person I've always wanted to be. I just hate hassle. One of my pet peeves. Hassle. ::Shakes head:: I could take singing lesesons. Learn how to play basketball. GO for a sport. Leran rto paint .Get a job. Read more. Become more literate. Learn a language. But I like help. And that is the problem I won't get anyway. I always need someone there. Why don't I just want do to it on my own? Why do I need some fuckin' crutch to hold me up when I damn well I can do it on my own. Life's just boring and I can't stand it. I'm tired of comparing myself to other people. They aren't me and I'm not them. So as good or as bad as they are; it doesn't affect me. I just want something to get my life exciting. And I can't find it if I'm just sitting here. With care, 6:27 p.m. - 2003-07-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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