ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nothing touches me Perfect. That's it. I was just recalling something that Jess once said to me. I remember after Scott broke up with me. For those three weeks I never experienced suffering like that. There's no point in comparing it anything because hell...I can't think of anything right now comparable of how much I suffered then. I remember telling Jess one day after I was talking to her about what I was going through. And said probably rather dramatically, "That's it! I've hit rock bottom and once I've been down there there's no where but to go up. You can't get worse than rock bottom. And if you are supposedly at rock bottom and it gets worse it's obviously not rock bottom." She told me that I was, "shitting my pant and then I have not hit rocked bottom." She may have experience pain. Lord only knows and I'm definetly not denying it, especially with Victor being deported and all. Obviously that chick is stronger than me because I hit rock bottom when I lived for those weeks that Scott didn't love me. No explaination will ever fully cover the emotion I went through then. It's the tale of pain. The point of all those previous paragraphs was...well this basically...when Scott and I got back together. That was it. Pain didn't exist anymore. I didn't know it. How could you feel after you've gone through what I went through? I know why moving didn't hurt that much. Why I'm not crying right now. I know why I dreaded it...I thought it would be like those three weeks and it wasn't. It turned out okay. Life is good, seriously, I know this. I use to dwell in pain because that's who I was. I was depressed and I lingered in it because it made me special. It did. It made me very special. I'm not sure if I'd go back, I might or I might not. I won't know unless the opportunity is offered me. After you experience ultimate pain, nothing touches you. Nothing touches me. That's it. That's what I know now. Nothing touches me. 6:39 p.m. - 2003-07-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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