ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Wake up Dear Diary, I woke up quite early this morning just to fall right back asleep. I have been sick for a while now and the scratchyness and clogged up nose aren't helping my insomniac sleeping habits much. The second time I woke was because the phone rang and my mother quickly telling me I had an orthodontist appointment. Oops, how could I forget? I rised pretty fast considering my pounding headache and walked up the stairs where my brothers door was slightly ajar and reminded him that he had an appointment as well. He looked at me, cursed, and shut the door. I walked into my dimly lit room and turned on my CD player where The Starting Line began cry heartbreak throughout my room. I walked to my sink and looked in the mirror where I was reminded it was morning because of the scraggly hair and dark circles around my eyes. At this moment in time, I thought to myself, "What a grand day this is going to be." I looked out my window through my slightly closed blinds and realized it was pooring outside. Good, 'cause I like the rain. At least something was going well that day. And then I thought to myself, what a good excuse it would to be, to remove myself from the daily activities saying I can't do much because it's raining outside. (I am not being sarcastic). I washed my face and dryed myself with a towel. I realized my mother was off the phone with the lady and asked if I were still going. And she said, 'no.' Much to my dismay, my head felt like a thousand pounds of lead, so gently I laid it on the bed. The gently pitter patter of the rain and the soft mummer of my music was singing me to a false sleep because I hadn't closed my eyes. And for the thirty minutes I just laid there I thought about him, like I always have. There's so much to say about what's been going on, that I don't want to get in it. It's like you want to say because you don't to forget. But, then you think, "How could you *ever* forget?" Whatever I forget was definetly not worth remembering and whatever I remember I'll keep forever. So I dare not say it. Because then I will get grossly lost in thought, skipping the details, which was the object of my intention in the first place. I have so much to say, that I wonder if I should say it because no one will ever read this diary and no one will ever understand it the way I do. So, why can't I just say it? Because I don't want to confuse the future me...I don't want me to return and remember what it was like but I do and I don't. And I'm confused and lost with thought. My sister is beside me while I'm on the comptuer a few steps away, a few feet, I'd say about 8 ft. She woke up early this morning as well, I suppose. And she wanted to get free sheet music from the internet, so that's what she's done. As I'm coughing here and looking at her, she's concentrating on learning either, "Foolish Games" by Jewel or "Cry" by Mandy Moore. Even though, I strongly dislike that chick...and the movie A Walk to Remember. I'm talking to Jennifer Pittenger online. She hasn't been on for a while, I think because her computer got jacked up. I think it stoped raining, but I am unsure. I can't hear much but the soft sound of the t.v in the backround, the effort of my sister on the piano and me wickedly fast typing away on this computer. I"m not sure what to say but I have a hard time letting go. With care, Mayms 10:57 a.m. - 2003-06-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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