ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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Dead Already

Dear Diary,

Is it because I can watch people cry and feel no emotion? Is it because I cry and feel no emotion? Is it because this entire world is screaming in silent terror because they see that there are people who can't feel. Is it because I'm staring at the blank tooth-paste colored walls of my school and want to smash my head in it? Is it because the pain in my fingertips escapes me and transforms itself into beautiful words of tragic innocent lost in a nightmare, sprawled in curvy lines of writing? Is it because it I should be studying to make myself a better and more intelligent person, a person who can get into college, and have a good life, but I can't because I'm stupid and there is no point? Is it because I'm staring at my water bottle beside me instead of looking at the computer screen or even the keyboard? Is it because of all of those things and more? Is it because I can look at you square in the eye and tell you I don't love you, make you believe me, watch you cry and say nothing, but feel so much at the same time that I can feel my heart dying?

Yes, it is all of those things. All of those things and more. I'm dead. And so you are you, in a matter of moments.

With care,

Mayms

7:44 a.m. - 2003-04-03

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