ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is my Selfish Act Dear Diary, You know what I was just thinking of? That if you read an entire diary.journal.xanga. ...of someone you could and really read and listened to them. You'd probably find out more about the person than what they give off to you in person without words. If they are someone who are constantly trying to cover up so they could be part of mainstream society (because you'd have to admit, being "in" is damn cool). It's like they try to be this hardass or cool person who gets drunk off their ass during their weekends and has sex all the time. Their jokes are all the same. The cool people's jokes anyway (and I sadly have to say I participate in them sometimes) ...How they joke around about being lesbians or gays. Or they have their wicked inside jokes, that no one else gets but is all good. Whatever. I guess I do it to so I can't say much. But still it is pretty irritating. The reason why I bring this up in the first place is because I was reading some random people's xanga journals and they are very different (not saying compared to Diarylands) they are different in the way that sometimes they surprise you and say something profound but in a stupid way. Woah, that was really judgmental. I wish I could take it back but what I am typing is a steam of consciousness and I don't want to have to go back and rewrite it. Because if you do, then you write to make it sound good, and not for yourself. You don't write to ease the pain. I write to ease the pain. I write so I can release my mind of so many thoughts. I use to write for pretentious reasons. So I could get compliments from people because I loved the way they told me I was amazing at writing. And it hurts when they say nothing but I should learn that what people say about my writing should not affect it in anyway. I should continue to write for me and for me only. To make me happy and no one else. This is my selfish act. I've looked back on my previous entries and I've grown so much from when I started. Is that strange? Haven't you read books before in the form of diary entries? And you can feel you can grow with them because they are sharing their intimate thoughts with you? Well, these are my intimate thoughts and you've grown with me. Image marred by self-infliction Do you think I'm a little obsessed with music now these days? I think I have Romeo and Jess to blame for that. Romeo got me started really liking punk and he showed me what it was like to listen to other than Rap and R&B. I would listen to other things even before him but not religiously. It would be only anything on the top charts. It would only be anything they played on the radio station that I listened to. Z95.7 and that was mostly it. I mean I'd listen to hits like Creed's "Higher" which was not rap or r&b at all. And since he introduced me to 96.5 I've listened to other things and Jess knowing that I started to like other things while I was searching for them online when I heard them on the radio, Jess suggested some songs to me and so did Romeo. And I was hooked. Although, I have to say that I was obsessed with Linkin Park long before that. ;) Thrice rox my world! With care,
11:34 a.m. - 2003-03-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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