ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- As Good As It Gets Dear Diary, Haven't you ever been asked before which woud you rather lose your eyesight or your hearing? And I never could answer because all of your five sense were very important. But I am in love with art and I need to be able to see things, but it's funny how I feel this way because I believe that appearance shouldn't matter on a person, I'm always ironic. Anyway, I thought that I would have to pick my eyesight to keep, if any thing. I couldn't live without seeing my family's faces or never being able to see the sunrise or sunset. What would happen if you never saw your first baby's face or never watched them grow up because you were blind? What if you never were able to see the color of your lover's eyes? What if you were never able to watch the snow fall on your first snow day? Or admire the fireworks on July 4th? Or watch the ball drop in times square on new years? Or watch the Christmas lights on your first Christmas tree? Or watch for Santa Clause? What would happen if you never saw color? That life would be dull and boring because art was everything to you. What if you could never see the one person who ever made sense to you, when you two first made love? What about all that? ...I am afraid of the dark. And I realize that it would be be a lot easier for someone to be born blind then to become blind because you would miss it. It would be so hard to adjust to the new surroundings, it would be hard to take it, and I could just see someone frustrated over it. Pain, that's all I see. But, if I'm thinking more about it. And I'm not sure. But I realize that it's still the same and yet different with hearing. Do you realize when you watch a movie or see something it doesn't have the same effect if you didn't hear what was going on or happening? That hearing something could never strike that certain emotion into you heart. And wouldn't it hurt like hell if you could never hear your favorite song? Your baby's first words? Musc? The way the ocean is trapped in a seashell? The soft pitter-patter of the rain falling on your window sill at night? The lullaby of your mothers voice singing you to sleep? And what about the faerytales they told you about at night time right before the sandman came? Never being able to respond to people's "Hey!" becuase you weren't sure if they were talking to you. Or that you couldn't participate in a conversation the way everyone does because you can't hear what their saying. What about that? What about the love of your life, saying "I love you"? I don't know what to say. I know I would never like to get lose any one of my five senses. And, it's all together very tiresome if you think about it. Right now all I can see is the way my house is slowly gettming more empty with each thing we pack, the empty walls in my bedroom, and the way I look in the mirror every time I realize that I won't be here much longer. All I can here is the soft music playing on my computer that my sister introduced me to, and the crazy sound of the heater going bonkers because it is still one of the coldest days we've had since I can remember because it's a record. The average is 0 degrees all day. And before it was -20. I want to be able to see it all AND hear it all. I want to be able to look at my newborn baby's eyes and I want to be able to hear it's first words. Everything has importance now to me. I don't want to take anything for granted. I don't want to look back on my life and wonder 'what if' because I have the potential to be as happy as everyone else. I hate the potential to be as happy as the celebrities on t.v with all their money and luxuries. Except, I don't have to have all that they have to be happy. It's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you got." Right? ~Sherly Crow Life isn't perfect, but this is as good as it gets. With care, 2:07 p.m. - 2003-01-23 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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