ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Alone, so alone, I swear I'm going to die... Dear Diary, Did you ever wake up one day and realize that you didn't have any friends at all? That stupid fuckin' wall you built has destroyed all social status and crying shoulders? They didn't want to wait, how could you blame them? You're in this moment, awake, alone...and dying. You look around yourself and a sudden chill creeps up and down your spine starts from the nape of your neck, down to your ankles, all the way to the ends of your eyes. And the crystsal tears are falling onto your hand moisturizing the pain into your flesh. You're in bewilderment what to do because you're soo scared of being alone. And your screaming, screaming so hard that you didn't realize that no sound was coming out of it. And the ends of your mouth was bleeding because you were stretching it so wide. You close your eyes and you're so scared to open them because all the lonliness would come flooding back in. Where are you going? I'm looking all around me, and no one is there. It's like the first day of kindergarden and your mom just let go of your hand and people are laughing because your lunch box spilled onto the floor. The stupid tuna sandwhich your mom packed is on the bottom of your shoe making it some sort of rollerblade and you trip on fall because you aren't an athletic child. God, I have no one to go to. I'm bleeding profusely in the sandbox and everyone looks away and gossips behind their hands when they gawk at your alienation. I'm so ALONE! You've forgotten how to cry and it seems to be dry tears. Your weeping and nothing comes. Your body is shaking so hard your sure you would die in a second if you knew the teacher wasn't in the hall waiting for you to come out. You bite your lip so hard to stop the crying that a fine line of blood drips down your chin. You don't want to show anyone the pain so you suck on the inside of your lip and the metallic taste that first made you gag, was the only source of comfort. Realizing then that you are ultimately the only one who will be there for you. That bleeding from your own body is the only way to make the hurt stop. Look around you, little girl, you are as alone as someone dying of a broken heart. With care, 10:22 p.m. - 2003-01-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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