ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Die in his Arms Dear Diary, Itw as a beautiful day, gorgeous even. 72 degrees and the sky was a soft pastel blue with clouds that floated like lilies on top of a lake. It was a record, I think. It *is* only January. A breath of fresh air, if you ask me. It's exactly what I needed even though my favorite season is winter (which I now think is turning into Autumn). Tomorrow it will be cold again. To reflect my mood. Which is strange don't you think? ::SIGH:: I'm not in the best mood but I'm okay...I have so much to say. But for some odd reason I'm afraid to say it. And you wouldn't have thought that a possiblity when all I ever do is take about things personal to me. But have you ever thought, that it is personally, but you can get a lot deeper into someone. A lot deeper than this agony and pain, an emotion, that seems to out-do all the rest. That's where I am right now. I can't put it into words because I am ashamed. I have this ache in my heart that I can't seem to shake and I want to be able to let this all out. I want to be able to stop feeling the way I do. I'm happy but I want to die too. Does that make sense? That this is the best moment of my life? That I've finally found a place that fits me, because I belong in the Arms of Romeo, that I would still want to die? Die in his arms... That when I wake up and find a reason to live because I know that he loves me and that I love him too. And that I could live on this love for the rest of my life...even *if* it ends. It's just that I still find a mirror of myself when I look in the mirror, or when even I have totally forgotten a memory, because I chose to escape from it, to elude it, to make it die with the old me, that when I see something that had to do with the memory, whether it be a smell, a touch, or even the slightest hint of a word, that for a flickering moment, I remember...all too well. I could do die tomorrow and it would be okay because I think this is how far I'm going to get. This is how happy I've ever been and I don't want to go back to my pain, let me die now...happy, then have another moment where I remember my pain. Die in his arms. With care, 7:55 p.m. - 2003-01-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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