ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A lovers worst nightmare Dear Diary, I woke today from a horrid dream. Was it so horrid? I don't know. I thought dreams were reflections of your subconsious. Of what you are afraid of and what you want the most. What's truely going on even though your mind chooses to deny it during the day. I dreamt what all lovers fear, that their signicant other chose another over themselves. I felt like...that's exactly it. I don't know how I feel. I woke up not knowing what to think all I remember is that I was yelling or screaming. Or crying. Or dying inside of my dream. I feel shivers running down my spin as I continue to write this. I lay with my head on my pillow for what seemed like an age but was only a moment and a tear fell from my eye. But it was singular, not plural. It was only one. I felt numb, unmoved, after I woke. I just lay there not knowing what to think. Could this be true? No, he would never cheat on me. He loves me. Right? I'm in the best relationship I have ever been and I love and my love is reciprocated. Isn't it?...Wasn't it? Maybe it was a dream. It was only a dream. Wait, which was a dream? The dream itself? The dream in which I woke with no feeling? Or the dream in which or relationship stands? The way he feels about me? Our love...is that a dream as well? Wait! And doesn't love always feel like a dream? Because it feels sooo good it is not reality? Because reality is hurtfull and cruel and agonizing. And love is the only escape away from those horrid things? Is it my escape? Do I often feel that way? Or is it an obligatory love? I love in which is it mandotory. All my thoughts are in a whirl and I don't know how to seperate them. I find myself happy and aching at the same type. Happy knowing that someone loves me but the ache is from the doubt that it might not be real. Should dreams affect me this much? But wait, didn't I say that dreams were a reflection of subconsious? Yes, you are right. You guessed it... With care, 12:32 p.m. - 2003-01-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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