ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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I think I'm Shizo (sp?)

Dear Diary,

Am I beautiful on the inside? I'm worried that I'm not. I'm worried knowing this. I'm not the kind of person you call pretty inside...

"I woke up it was seven
I waited 'till eleven
Just to figure out that
no one would call
I think I've got a lot of friends but
I don't hear from them
What's another night all alone?
When you're spending everyday on your own"
~Simple Plan, I'm just a Kid

How can you be beautiful on the inside when you can't see beauty in what you do?...because you do nothing. Because you spend your days daydreaming? How's that living? How could you experience when your locked up in your own thoughts? When that's all you do? When your entire day consists of just sitting and thinking? How is that living?

...How is that beautiful?

How does that make me a beautiful person on the inside? When I make nothing of myself? When I do nothing and have the potential to be great? What kind of person is that? How is that inspirational? How could you look up to someone who hates themselves? How could that be beautiful?

...Why do I let myself care so much?

"I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare
I'm just a kid I know that its not fair
Nobody cares cuz
I'm alone in the worldNobody wants to be alone in the world
Nobody cares cuz
I'm alone and the world Is having more fun than me"
~Simple Plan, I'm just a Kid

I'm not beautiful in any way now. How could feeling sorry for yourself be beautiful? How could someone like me be beautiful? How could someone who concentrates on pain be beautiful!?

I don't fuckin' concentrate on pain! Damnit...you don't know me.

With care,
Mayms

P.S I hate seeming like I'm angry when I'm not. I love myself.

11:22 p.m. - 2002-12-30

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