ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Money is Everything, Contradictions Galore, And what Chicago does to me... Dear Diary, My back hurts and I've been sleeping or napping all day, which ever you'd like to call it. I'm feelin' a lil' lethargic but thats inevitable if you've been sleeping for more than 15 hours. ::yawn:: I'm still up in Chic-town with the family and it's not so bad. I can't help think about Scott. Every time I do I become nostalgic because all I can think about is this pain that's going to hurt like a burning coal in my throat when I move here. I'm only 15 though, I'm not that naive. Kids think they fall in love every day when they don't. They think that the world is beautiful enough to let them fall in love. I think that is a silly thought. Then again, I'm probably contradicting myself in more ways than one...again. Oh well, everyone does that. It makes me no more special than anyone else out there. I woke up around 11:00 and laid in bed beside my 11 year old cousin, she's adorable. I was in bed for about in hour, just thinking about how much it would mean to me, if Scott and I could be together a lot longer than forever. All the diamonds and pearls wouldn't mean a thing to meif this was a promise made to me. Which is contradictory in itself because after an hour had passed while I was lying in bed, my 11 year old cousin, Marissa, stired in her sleep and said 'good morning'. For some odd reason we started talking about the Lotto and what we'd do if we had 315 million. I'd think I'd go crazy insane if I had that much money. Probably donate 250 and seperate them evenly to the organizations of Breast Cancer, AIDS, the families and Children of the Philipines, and to the cause of the Ozone layer (I know it may seem odd, but I have always cared about the environment...I feel awful for never doing anything about it. Maybe I'll be a Scientist.) After I've donated all the other money, I'd get rid of all the debt things or whatever, pay for all the schooling of me, my brother, and sister. The other money will dedicate itself to making me a better person. (Woah...not even gonna say anything about how selfish that sounds... ::SIGH:: I'm such a bad person.) The sky is the limit. I'd spend money in getting private special tutors for my education. I'd get private instructors so I could be well rounded. I'd learn how to fence, do Archery, and Ice Skate. Also, I'd be able to ballroom dance and do the salsa. Oh! And I'd get tons of lessons in langauages. I'd learn Spanish, Italian, French, and my re-learn my native tongue, Tagalog. I'd be very well-rounded. I would be...the person I've always wanted to be. And people are wrong, you can buy happiness! I'm not trying to sound materialistic. I'm not saying that I'd always be happy if I had tons of this. I'm content with what I got now but just now who I am. I could be so much better with money. And don't give me bullshit, all you need is what you have inside of you, because I don't want to hear it. If you think about it, money can buy beauty. I had tihs discussion in my french class with my other fellow students. Money can buy make-up, plastic surgery, clothes...you are beautiful in the eyes of society. That is all that matters. Don't try to say that beauty is in the fuckin' eye of the fuckin' beholder. Behold this...not many people are beautiful in the inside because society is a bitch and gives you asshol-ish values. I'm not shallow. I'm not always like this. But I realize this is how it is. I realize that being in Chicago at this moment makes me someone a lot different from the other people here. They are a lot more fashionable and aware of what they look like. I could never care everyday...to look the way they do. I could never get up in the fuckin' morning at 5 o'clock and get ready. My sweatshirts are me. I'm not saying it's not fun to get ready because it is. Just not everyday. I've been fashioned as someone who doesn't care much of how I look in public. But now, being her in Chic-town, makes me realize this. I hope to God, that I'm not going to change to much here. That I won't turn into someone I hate. Heh, two contradictions in two sentences. There is not a day that goes by, a moment, that I don't change. That is who I am. I am never the same person twice. Because in all this time I'm changing, the only reason is because I'm trying to be someone I love. With care, 4:14 p.m. - 2002-12-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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