ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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Gangsta's Paradise

Dear Diary,

"Tell me why are we so blind to see that
the one's we hurt are you and me" The world is still the same. Not any better not any worse. Just the same old thing over and over again. Routine. I'm getting tired of all the same things.

"Look at the situation,
they got me facin
I can't live a normal life,
I was raised by the strict...
Too much television watchin'
got me chasin dreams
I'm a educated fool with money
on my mind
Got my ten in my hand
and a gleam in my eye"

You know what I just realized? That when I'm happy I can still write something tragic, sorrowful, and painful. But the words are the same as the words I used when my heart was aching previously. Basically the words I'm using at this moment, are the one's that are comforting my mind, making me believe I can still write when happy. When in fact, I'm writing right now...with words that are from the past. Sad. I need pain to write. Seriously. No other way.

"Death ain't nothing but a heart beat away
I'm livin life do-or-die-a, what can I say?
I'm 23 now, will I live to see 24?
The way things is goin I dunno"

With all the improvements in health and mental illness. With all the pills that seem to take away a lifetime of pain, or so they say on the side of the bottle.

"As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life
and realize there's nothing left
Cause I've been blastin'
and laughin' so long that
Even my mama thinks that my mind is gone

Freud was a cocaine addict wasn't he? All the greatest minds did some sort of drug 'to ease their minds'. Do you realize we could have had a genius in our admists (sp?)without noticing it? But society looks down upon the crazy and so pills are give to try to cure a disease in the mind.

Power and the money,
money and the power
Minute after minute,
hour after hour
Everybody's runnin,
but half of them ain't lookin...
They say I got to learn,
but nobody's here to teach me
If they cant understand it,
how can they reach me?
I guess they can't --
I guess they won't
I guess they front;
that's why I know my life is out of luck...

Emily Dickinson was a crazy women, a non-conformist, someone who spoke her mind no matter what the consequence. Amazing. She was crazy. She lookd herself up in her room by the age of 32 and never left. I'm crazy thank good I never took pills.

With care,

Mayms

P.S Gangsta's Paradise by Coolio is pretty damn awesome.
"On my knees in the night
Sayin prayers in the street light"

9:09 p.m. - 2002-12-11

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