ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Way I'll die Dear Diary, I want to say it. I want to say why I think I'm back. I want to say so many things but in the past few months, at that time, you forgot me and I had neglected you. And I sorry. I have changed in these past few months more than someone can change in a lifetime. Maybe that's a huge gigantic hyperbole but it feels that way nonetheless. I don't know what else to say. Even though my thougths are screaming and pounding within my mind and I'm dying to get free. I can't. I don't think I should. I have replaced old morals with new ones and I have gained new beliefs. I am a different person but also someone you would still understand. I have not completely become a stranger to you. I have not completey gotten rid of my old self, for that, I know, would be practically impossible. Impossiblity is impossible, and therefore, is an oxy-moron (sp?). I don't think I have much to say with much emotion for everything I say is like an essay. Everything I write sometimes feels so metered because I feel like some martinet teacher would come and scold me for not writing with mechanisms and organization. As if the whole world was just waiting for me to make a mistake. I can hear reality's far off-distant laugh just waiting for me. I can hear it ringing in my ears. I just want to dive into a world with my own tears. I want to die in drowned in my own tears. And for some strange reason, unknown to me, I think I will die that way. You know what is ironic? The fact that you might be never be notified if I die this way because no one will ever tell you. And if someone was thoughtful and devious enough would hack into this diary of mine and tell the whole world that I have died, drowned in my own tears. Yes, I believe that is how it shall be. I have no question about it. It doesn't seem likely or soon, not just yet, anyway. But still, when I grow up, I will drown in my own tears...till my death. With care, 4:06 p.m. - 2002-12-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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