ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Random Ramblings Dear Diary, Geeze, when was the last time I wrote something, something real and important? I think I have been rambling on about absolutely nothing forever and I'm sorry. School is a major bitch and I'm about to kill over with the homework load. 4-5 fuckin' hours per fuckin' night! I mean I understand because I'm in a college prep school and this is preparing me for what it is ahead but still...freak me out. I'm not even in any honors classes! Just regular, and 4-5 hours per night for regular classes is pretty odd. But, I won't complain because this is just preparing me. Scott and I are good, it has been past 3 weeks...I'm trying my hardest to make try and ignore my stupid fears because he makes things so great. He makes me happy which is a good and bad thing, and I'll try not to complain. I seriously think that my debate/forensics teacher abhors me, I can see it everyday. The way he glares at me and the way he points me out and shows me as an example as falliblity. I don't know he just makes me angry. But what the good thing is, is the fact that I had a fuckin' awesome oratory. It was amazing. He actually wanted me to use it in competition and tournaments, he pulled me aside during class one afternoon and wondered if I could perform it on the 11 of October but I'm not sure because Scott's homecoming is the 12, and that might mess things up. Homecoming week is pretty damn hectic. But, I like it. I am worried about homecoming though. Mostly because I hope that his friends might not like me. I don't want them to think that I'm not good enough for him and say wrong things behind my back. I have met them before but spending an entire night with them would kinda get awkward, 'specially because I don't know any of his friend's girlfriends...eek! I just don't want them to think I'm a total wild crazy bitch that is fucked over and then they'd probably influence Scott to not be with me or something. I don't know. Everyone says I have a charismatic personality that draws people to me and makes people love me, but still....I am the most outgoing and shy person you will ever meet. I'm not joking and my thoughts are so jumbled that I don't think I would be able to give you any examples at this moment. I'm just not thinking accurately, because of all the things that are going on right now. (I'm not going to list them because I'm to damn lazy to explain every single one) I think I may start to have ADD due to all the freakin' reading and studying. Whew, but I'll get over it. I'm fine with it, I don't mind. Hopefully college will be easier. More freedom. Anyway, school is so bogus. I'm not joking, I am going to have a mental break down soon if I don't get some rest and relaxation. I live and breath school now, seriously. I have no more life. I don't talk to many of my friend anymore because I'm usually doing homework and I feel awful because one of my best friends might be moving to London in November, fuck me. AH! I have cried over work, I have cried over school, and I am going insane. I have a cut in my mouth, I guess that means no more kissing... School is gonna screw me over, and it's just the beginning of my sophomore year. People say that your junior year is the hardest year and it's the most academically challenging, most strenuous, most stressful year...damn, I must be screwed. With care, Mayms 2:11 p.m. - 2002-09-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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