ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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Fuck this World

Dear Diary,

I have to have a 'debut' thing or whatever, my mom was discussing it with me just at dinner. I walked away. I couldn't talk. I don't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Fuck off. Have a nice day"

My great Aunt wants to give me a ball/debut/recognition ceremony thing. I can't stand it. I dont want it. It's where I present myself to the public when I 'coming of age'. Fuck it, I don't want it. I have to present my accomplishments. I DON'T HAVE ANY! I am only a 15 year old, no-good, sorry-excuse-for-a-human-being, I can't stand myself. Whenever I look in to the mirror, I just want to scream and bash the face in that's staring back at me. I want to scream and scream and scream until I bleed through my mouth 'cause my lungs popped. I'm so angry. Fuck this world! I am so angry.

Having this stupid 'ball' thing is flattering and I should be grateful, but it just remind me of how boring and ordinary I am!!! It just shows that I have done nothing with my life, 'cause I got no extra-curricular activities! FUCK MY GRAMMAR! I don't care! I can say whatever I want to say, sit it on it and twist, show's how much I care.

"And I am whatever you say I am, if I wasn't then why would I say I am?" ~Eminem

I just want to walk away, I just want to run away...far away. From all these thoughts, from all these dissapointments. From the issues penetrating through my life.

I WANT TO MOVE! THERE YOU GO! THERE I AM! I AM MOVING! AND I CAN'T WAIT! WHY!!??!?! BECAUSE THEN I COULD *TRY* TO START NEW WITH PEOPLE I'VE NEVER MET, AND THEY DON'T KNOW HOW CRAZY I AM YET. MAYBE I COULD CHANGE BEFORE I MOVE, SO THEY WOULDN'T HATE ME. GEEZE!!! THIS IS MY THIRD CHANCE THAT GOD GAVE ME!!!!!! I BLEW THE FIRST TWO! FUCK THIS WORLD!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

With care,
Mayms

9:18 p.m. - 2002-07-21

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