ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Me Dear Diary, I think I’m whittling away the parts of me that make me whole. Like a little flute that is being carved by a little boy, creating holes within me that will create beautiful music. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the young boy is putting carving me to be the most beautiful person I can be. It’s like a windfall, a moment that is virtually unexpected but good all the same. The vigor within my heart may not have dispersed as I thought it had but maybe in truth it has grown and blossomed, further than I can see or understand ‘cause I’m still wearing my sunglasses’ which is blinding me. I don’t mean to be so verbose whenever I explain something, but I feel that words are my only source of expression. I wish I were more versatile. Heh. The velocity of my pain is undecided because it is unable to make up it’s mind. I can’t find my medium. I’m not sure if I am ‘happy’ or depressed. Maybe I’m just indifferent. But I’m tired of being so callused to those who love me. I want to care. I do care. I just want to feel it with more passion, more affection. I want to show those whom I love that they share a piece of me that will never be taken away. I want to be able to express my emotions openly and not so close-minded. I want my expressions to be unequivocal. How foolish am I? Can I be more selfish? How many time did I just say “I” and “I want” in this entry? Just for one moment I wish I could stop thinking about myself. But I don’t…I don’t just think about myself. I want my family and friends back. With care, 6:12 p.m. - 2002-07-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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