ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Secrets, please don't lie to me. Dear Diary, The world feels unspoken. Like there are so many secrets that's burdening it, but it's so afraid that if the secrets spill out, chaos will occur. Which it probably will... Secrets. Always. Hm, it's always about secrets. I feel like the world is hiding something from me. Like the sky is covered in a invisible blanket of uncertainity. Like the sky is painted blue for some unprotected, vulnerable rule. I feel so burdened by the fact that I have to be GREAT. Not good, great. I have to be so much more than anything else. I can't stop wanting to be it, just so people would be proud of me. A black hole whirlling in circles of pain and anxiety. A depth that no one else could see but me. I always feel crying but I feel so weak when I do... So weak. I'm so afraid that the world would laugh and taunt me because I'm not who I should be. I feel bare and unprotected when I cry. So whenever I do I want to be in the isolation and safety of my closet where no one could see or hear my pitiful sobs of agony. Somedays all I want to do is be held. To be rocked and embraced in someone's arms. To know that I'm not so alone and that the world doesn't hate me so much. I know all this is true, but sometimes people just need to be told. They are never going to admit that all they want is someone to be there for them, but it's what they are crying out for. The pain in their eyes are so evident, don't ignore it. They know that there are others that feel the same way they do, but they are just as scared as you. Just as afraid of the same big scary world, that threatens them and haunts their dreams. Just to know that the world is not trying to eat me alive, and that I'm not the only person out there that feels this way is a good feeling. A scary feeling, because then it means that your not special. I know, whenever I realize someoen feels the same way I do, or have thought the same thoughts...I feel unspecial. That means you are unspecial. Which means, that you weren't the only one to think what you thought. Your not a genius and your not special. Yah, not special. At all. Thanks. With care, 12:31 a.m. - 2002-06-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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