ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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More Random Thoughts

Dear Diary,

I promise I'll be okay. I promise you that I'll try to stay awake. As long as you don't leave me here alone.

I'm so scared of feeling alive that when happiness is sitting right infront of me I dodge it like bullets and make unhappy excuses to keep my pain. There are no advantages of being unhappy it shows that I'm weak.

...And I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for all the things that make you sad and all the ideas that corrupt your mind, and I'm even more sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry for loving you so much my heart ached on a sunny day but I never had the guts to tell you. I'm sorry I'm this way. I'm so sorry.

So what is with this world that can love me and hate me all at once? What is with this tortue or unending lies? When I can can I can't even look into your crystal blue eyes? The only place I'm invited but so reluctant to go. Like bleeding hearts and falling leaves during spring. So strange. So very strange.

So what are these creepy and eerie thoughts that constantly plague me? What's with the eyes? That make me so uncomfortable but the only thing I wake up wanting? An artifical night full of stars that move...in circles.

I'm sorry I'm rambling.

With care,
Mayms

4:46 p.m. - 2002-06-09

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