ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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Back to Reality

Dear Diary,

What am I complaining about? I have a great life. I have all these blessings! These things that I should be grateful for! So why am I still screaming? Why do I still feel crazy? Why does my heart still burn?

Why do teras roll down my cheeks? Why do I let them? Sometimes I wish I could just stop feeling anything at all, stop the crying, stop the pain. Then I wouldn't care if I had to be special or not and then pain wouldn't matter, and neither would my writing!

I'm back! I'm back! I'm happy and sad at the same time. Dissapointed is a good word for it. My happiness has despersed, like I knew it would.

I think Scott has expired.

Back to me! Back to reality! Back to my pain and my writing which makes me feel special. I'm contradicting myself once more! But, that's a good thing, right? Wait, no it's not. I've always been like this, I'm not returning to it.

Am I just wanting what I can return to?

With care,
Mayms

1:24 a.m. - 2002-05-31

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