ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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Depicting

Dear Diary,

I don't know how to emphasize how much I like this song. Hailie's Song - Eminem

Some days I sit, staring out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think theres nothing to live for
I almost break down and cry
Somtimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?

The lyrics are so real. They aren't soem wacky porno-graphic perverted thing, like some of his lyrics are. But, these are so real.

But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
Cos there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' ma soul,
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder that gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And i think my neck is breaking should I just give up
Or try to live up to these expectations?

It hurts to listen to his lyrics. I know I don't have a kid of my own or anything like that. I'm also pretty sure that I haven't been through the things he has, all the obstacles. It's just the way he conveys what he's saying. The way I feel as well.

How angry I am at the world at times.

I haven't been very good at writing anything lately and it makes me feel horrible...the change is due to Scott (but that's a completely different issue). Since I'm not able to use my words I am "using" his (which is still copyrighted to him, I'm just saying this is how I feel *I don't someone to jump up my ass, proclaming that I am using his words), I'm writing these lyrics here so everyone can understand how I feel.

I want to go back to my pain though. I can feel this nagging feeling in the back of my head and this heavy weight on my heart that I must return to this pain that I've lived so long with. But I like the aspect and thought of being a better person for people to be proud of.

Listening to his lyrics make me realize...he brings me back to down from the clouds. I like that. So I don't get hurt. The pain is evident already and that's what I'm searchign for...and yet, I'm afraid of getting hurt when it's what I'm looking for.

I'm sorry if you don't understand.

With care,
Mayms

P.S Wake me up...I think I'm dreaming.

1:05 a.m. - 2002-05-31

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