ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Restraining Confidence Dear Diary, I'm torn between knowing I should do and wanting to do it. I can't stop thinking about what I want and what I should do to get there. I want to be this person that people love and admire, someone I could love and admire. I want to be good enough for people to love me. I can feel it. I can feel the sad shame that I'm not good enough and the heartbreaking fact that I might never be. I need to be. Or I can't break free. I feel this swelling in my heart every time I look at the sky and hope for a shooting star to wish on to make my dreams come true. To let me believe in miracles and not curse movies because they brought that silly idea into my head. I'm so limited. I feel so limited. The feeling in my heart that I can be all that I want to be and more. But there's something holding me back and I don't konw what it is. It's this weird feeling, maybe its fear. I don't know. But, it's the only thing holding me where I am right now, I'm not reversing and I'm not progressing. I'm just stuck, in this purgotory. I need out, I need air. Lots of it. I know I can be what I want, I can feel the confidence flowing through my veins at times, but I'm just so afraid that if I do let it out, it still won't be good enough. Whatever I do, it's never good enough. I want to be all that I want to be, I know I can aim for it. I just don't know where to start. I'm afraid that people will laugh at me! Me, May the Queen of Callous! Is saying that she's afraid of what people think of her! She said that she shouldn't care and that she wouldn't never care. I want to be what people want me to be, I want to be all that I want to be. Please, what can I do? Where do I start? What's holding me back? How do I break free? With care, 10:07 p.m. - 2002-05-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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