ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So be it Dear Diary, I've come to the conclusion that I no longer like Scott. It is completely gone and over now. The feeling when I think of him will desperse in 4 days and no later. No one can change my mind. I realized that I don't want to get hurt over some boy that will toss my heart like a crumpled up piece of rough draft paper. And even as you read this, you may disagree. But, I understand...because people do have love in their lives. And more power to them. But, for me. I choose my lonliness and my pain over the weakness that could break me. I've been broken before and I've decieded it's not happy place to be. I've tried so hard to put myself back together again, I've done well so far. But, the fine lines of the breakage still shows visibly. My heart is a lost cause and I don't think it will ever be thawed. I choose to keep it because I'm finding myself more greedy by the day. I would not like to be greedy because it's wrong. But, this is the price you must pay, then so be it. Let me be hard, calloused, and depressing. Let me be all the things I once was and stay that way. I'd rather know who I am then spend years trying to figure it out. If I have to be cold and calloused. Then so be it. Being calloused and cold is all that I know and all that I understand. I'm not going to spend the rest of my days fighting for something that I'm losing faith in. So be it. Ainsi soit-il. With care, 10:06 p.m. - 2002-05-17 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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