ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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Random Disillusioned Thoughts

Dear Diary,

I'm such a weird person, that I don't think many people want to get to know me. If I feel this way, don't think I should change it?

UGH! Why the do cute ones always have to be such assholes and be so damn shallow! I always feel like I can't get close to any guy because I'm afraid of committment, of letting him show who I am, and the pain that will come when I lose him.

I haven't met any guys that share the same damn things as me. I always pick the ones opposite of me! I'm not joking! All the guys I've dated have always been the ones that I don't want to be with, they are exact opposites of me.

But, I'm only attracted to those.

Am I weird or what? It always seems that people my age are never as deep as I am. That sounds bad. I'm not almighty, and that's not my intention.

It's just that whenever I talk it comes out so wrong. People don't want to put the effort in getting to know me 'cause it takes to long. So, I'm going to stick to what I know...dreaming.

ARGH!!!!!!!! I am seriously about to blow a vein! Watch me wither away before you and drowning in my own self pity.

::SARCASTIC GRIN::

Why do I have to be so damn difficult? Why do I constantly think and what this world to revolve around me when I know the damn truth that it doesn't. Why do I have so many varied thoughts and expressions that it's hard to predict who I am and what I will become. I am everchaning. At moment I know who I am and then at other times, I'm baffled at my own actions wondering who it was that cried out b*tch in the middle of a dead quiet room.

I'm about to go insane and I wish I had someone to talk to but I bet I'd just mess that up too!

Did you know I put limits?! Damn stupid limits on people that I like because I'm so damn afraid of being hurt or because I've lost my faith in love?!?!?!? Did you know that?! I liked this guy named Scott and then that a few days afterward I said to myself that I will get over him, that this fling will end, in two weeks. Well, those two weeks ended this friday. So where am I now? Alone, that's where. Alone, sitting on this computer complaining because I can't get my life together.

But, why should it matter? 'Cause Scott didn't matter! He shouldn't have wanted to be with me anyways! He would have just ripped my hear out of my ass and burnt it. I can see it now, my poor disillusioned mind staring into his hazel eyes crying without tears because I thought I was in love.

With care,
Mayms

P.S Well, I had this quiz and I needed to show you, you can also find this quiz in the quizes section

Which of the Disney Princesses are you?

You are a quick-witted tough dame with a tongue of steel. This jaded, cynical outlook is your suit of armor worn to protect you from further hurt and mistreatment. You may have been burned in the past by a love. Though your history weighs on your mind, you still have a little bit of faith in love. Don't deny it, girlfriend! Let go of the past and move on, embracing life's possibilities. But being more optimistic doesn't mean you have to lose your wit or independence!

10:10 p.m. - 2002-05-12

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