ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

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My 8th grade Realization

Dear Diary,

So here I am, late at night when I'm suppose to be sleeping, talking to you. But, I had this itchy feeling in the back of my mind that I had to write something, so here I am...writing. I think I need to say something to clarify some of my previous entries, and to make sense of my future ones.

My 8th grade Realization (As I like to call it)

...Was the year before hell. Right after 7th and right before 8th, during the summer of misfortune, the beginning of my calloused heart, and dry eyes.

That summer, should have been great! It should have been a memorable experience. Woah, don't get me wrong...it's nothing I'll ever forget. But, it wasn't something that I'd like to remember.

What is it with an all this built up drama? I like to hold people up for the suspence. And let them down...because it's not really worth all the drama.

This may come off as nothing big, to anyone I would explain this to. But, it was the realization of so far in my life. I should have known it so long ago. I knew it so long ago, but my stupid ignorance and blind eyes. Blinded me.

...I never was in love. I always thought I was but I never was at all. Every time I like someone, I said I loved them. Even if I didn't. I liked the same guy for almost a year and he was all that I could think about. It was day and night. The whole...I can't eat, can't drink, can't sleep situation thing.

I'm fickle...I'm fickle in love.

But, a long story turned short, he fell for my best-friend. They were together for more than a year. I was crushed. Pain.

But, I felt this way about many guys as well. All I did was think about them, as soon as I woke up they were the first thing I thought about.

I can pick 4 guys that I felt for like that. Only four. Maybe more?

Then...there was this guy *for all of you who know me personally will have no hesistation at this* Daniel. The infamous Daniel. Whenever someone is takling about someone that I fancy, the name Daniel always came up. I was infatuated with him for 5 years. I think about him often still.

Then there is this boy from Philly, Kohope. That's for 7 years now.

I was never in love though. Never once.

Recently I've come to with an realization on how to test your self if your in love. If you really want to know...

With care,
Mayms