ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Four Dear Diary, Damn! I am such a hyprocrite. I've always loathed and abhored hyprocrites. And, here I am, being one. I always looked at life and pretended that I loved it. I pretended so no one would notice, because no one cares enough to try and see. But, why should they? They think I'm happy-go-lucky, like I was when I was a kid. I thought I was depressed. But, now I'm not sure. Because what's so attractive about someone that puts themselves down? But then, here I am doing so. I always dream about being beautiful. About being the person I always wanted to be. To look in the mirror and be happy with my reflection. I know everythings up to me. I know if I wanted to be happy, all I have to do is work at it, like I always do when there's a problem. Be my usual, hard-working self, and get it done. But, it's not that EASY! With this type of situation. It's a lot more complex and heartbreaking. But, why would my heartbreak, when I've lost it because I've given it out to too many people. It's my fault that they have it and taking it for all its worth. Sucking out all the life out of it. My fault. My Fault. Whatever that happens to me, I am responsible for. I am responsible for this ache within my chest and the perpetual throbbing ever-lasting in my mind. That's all that there is in there. There's no genius or retardness in there. It's just empty, but not in stupid way. It's empty because I push away all the things trying to creep in there. It's awful. Whenever I begin to think *that's when the party beings, haha* about something, anything. I try to push it out. ALL OF IT! That's all I have though, my thoughts. That's all that last in my mind. I never do anything in the first place, but think. I'm a thinker. That's all that I am. A thinker and a Dreamer....and maybe even a Wisher. With care, P.S I guess that's three things. No wait, I'm also a Hyprocrite! That makes four! 8:19 p.m - 2002-03-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||