ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Introduction Dear Diary, I guess I actually started something again. Because whenever I start something, it'll be great in the beginning but then I get I get bored. Fast. I know it's wrong. I know I should change it. I have motives but no drive. And that last sentence applies to a lot of my life. I should probably stop. I think I should just go out there and do something more substantial. All I ever do is just sit at home, be on the computer, do homework, or watch t.v! Damn, I am really boring. But no one ever wants to believe me. 'Cause all they ever think is that I'm putting myself down for attention. But, I'm not! This is really how I feel. I must admit sometimes, I want someone to pay attention to me. But, that's what everyone wants! To feel like they belong! To know that someone loves them. To be loved. What else would anyone else want? Money? Sex? Better Career? Intelligence? Talent? Of course everyone wants these things. But, what's a life without love? What's it like to be in love? I thought I once knew but now I'm not so sure. Life's just a big joke, and I don't get it. But, it's just so damn crazy. Life is about to knock me down for the last time. And, I'm not sure if I will have enought strength to get up. Life's crazy and it hurts. But, who am I to complain? There are millions of children in the world wishing for my problems because of the lack of love, money, or faith they have. I should be a better person. I once read some where to dream of the person you want to be is to waste the person you are, but to not to dream or want to be the person I want to be is to pretend to be someone I'm not. More than anything thing in this entire world, I wish I could be happy. If I could have one wish it would be to be happy. I can't even remember if I have ever been happy. Content, yes. Satified, I guess so. But to happy is a strong word, just like love and hate. I believe, you have to know where to apply it. I look at everything and wonder why I can't be like that, have that, be that, look like that, share that. It's wrong, I know. It's stupid and fruitless, like falling in love with a movie star. That's a dream. It's a false hallicination. *Forgive me if I spelled that wrong. Life is just...crazy.With Care, May 11:37 p.m. - 2002-03-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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