ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My Caldestine Way

Dear Diary,

I feel so calloused lately as if nothing anything anyone can say will upset me, affect me. As if, I have no heart, no feelings. I feel like the Tin Man on the Wizard of Oz. I bet if you knocked on my chest you'd hear an echo.

I am no longer indulgent, when someone asks me of something I no longer yield, I feel so lost. I am anything but who I want to be. I have become an inveterate of feelingless emotions. All I ever do is ruminate of what I want and how I could get it. But, I never act upon it. I am a train with no engine. I am untangible.

I wake in an effortless way as if the air could sweep off my feet but I'm so planted into my own thoughts and complaints. All is see is black and white, nothing in between, no gray. No, I stare down at the keyboard, lick my lips, and sigh. I have no idea what it is that I'm typing or even thinking. All, I know is whatever that appears on this white block is purely based on my fingers and not my mind.

I can hear birds but I don't listen to them anymore. I can feel the breeze past my cheek but I push it out of my head nonchalantly. I taste the salty tears roll down my cheek and I damn myself because of it.

With care,
Mayms

8:13 p.m. - 2002-04-02

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next