ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Praying Dear Diary, I've been praying, lately. I haven't prayed formally in a long time. Usually I pray, in way, just talking to God. But, when I was younger I use to pray in an order. My mother's prayer, which she taught me, the Our Father and then a short little thank-you to God. I've been praying the Rosary lately. It's very fulfulling. It makes my heartache sometimes, because thinking about what Jesus sacraficed for me, I feel ashamed to feel that I have any problems of my own. It makes me feel selfish and greedy.I want to be, so badly, the person that my parents what me to be, the person I want to be, and above all what God wants of me. I can't stand not being good enough. I just want to ask someone who loves me, and knows me, "Am I ever going to be someone worth living for? Am I ever going to be ther person I want to be? Will I ever be good enough?" I look in the mirror every day and I can't stand the reflection. I'm ashamed of seeing that aimless and selfish face everyday. I don't know what I want right now, maybe it's because I'm in my adolesence and it's okay that I don't know. But, I want to, so badly, that it's eating me away. I look forward to the day when I can just look in to the mirror and be happy with what I see. The day my flaws *and* my strengths can mix harmoniously. I want to wake up at least one day and feel happy. And, not have a day where I wake up to exist and not live. I wait for that day, and I'll wait until the day I die, just for that one moment that will make me happy. That one day when God could carry me and I wouldn't complain. With care, 9:54 p.m - 2002-03-30 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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