ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holding on, again. Dear Diary, You know what's crazy? That my thoughts don't match my layout. That's the ironic part, it contradicts each other. I sit here with mixed up thoughts and yet my layout represents a merry spring day. Ironic. But, I've always been ironic. I've always contradicted myself; second-guessed myself. I'm always doing things like that. For example: Like me being a hyprocrite. It's exactly like that, right?
I hate writing now because every time I write I become cliche. Listen to me! GEEZE! Cliche and more Cliche. THe way I think, is the same as everyone else. The only difference is that I express it, and some others don't. They like to pretend that this world is perfect and that there's nothing really goin' on. That's bullshit. And whoever the hell reads this, that disagrees with me, is hiding something. I may be wrong because I am, I am wrong. Usually.
I'm just holding on to something that's not there. If there's one thing, that really gets me, *don't let me get me* One of my largest flaws, is the way I hold on to things, especially old things. I can't let go. It's soo hard for me. I know it's crazy, but I remember when I was younger and we got a new mini-van, even though the new mini van was a lot more comfortable and convienant, I still wanted the old one back, because it was what I was use to. I didn't like the new mini-van for a while, because I couldn't get the old one out of my head and how much I missed it. Isn't that stupid? I'm holding on to something that's not there. Always.
I have sooo many examples, I could make this page run 500kbs, but I won't. I hate the saying, "Out with the old, in with the new". You have no idea how much the bothers me. It's so hard for me to change and accept it. I mean I've changed from the last person I was before 8th grade. But, I can't accept it. I KNOW that I've changed, which is a start. But, I'm still wanting to be the person I was before.
Maybe that's why I have the layout like this. Exquisite like a pleasant spring day. Because...because I USE to be happy, I use to be pleasant and merry.
With care, 11:30 a.m. - 2002-03-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||