ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So much to say, I don't know, just think about it.

Dear Diary,

There's so much to say, I don't know how to begin. I just started this Diary a few days ago because one of my friends wanted me to read her Diary. I never knew that online diaries existed. Shows how clueless I am at times, mostly because I choose to be.

There's so much that you don't know about me, things I don't even know about myself. I use to get so lost that I sought out my friends because they would always be there for me, and I wouldn't have to look far because they'd always be my side. But, it's so different now, since I attend a different highschool. *All girls

I use to be so dependent on them. We all were connected at the hip. I sneezed, they got a tissue. I cried, they had an ear and a shoulder for me. I couldn't believe how close I was to my friends. But, now...it's all just me. No one else. When I turn around to see if they were there...gone. I know I should have never really been that dependent on people, because it's not healthy.

But, I was younger, I didn't know. I thought life was suppose to be like that. A normal life. Shit, I know I'm rambling on and on again. I'm sorry. Maybe, I'll talk about it later. But, right now my I'm just annoyed/irritated. I just don't want to think about it right now. STOP thinking about it. Stop thinking.

Have you heard the song? 'At Seventeen'? That song is completely and utterly true. Just one flaw, I found out a long time before I turned seventeen.

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles
Who married young and then retired.
The valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth.
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say come dance with me
and murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems
At seventeen.

A brown eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
said, Pity please the ones who serve
They only get what they deserve.
The rich relationed hometown queen
she marries into what she needs
A guarantee of company
And haven for the elderly.
Remember those who win the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
Indebentures of quality
And dubious integrity.
Their small town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
Exceeds accounts received
At seventeen.

To those of us who know the pain
Of valentines that never came,
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball.
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me.
We all play the game and when we dare
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inventing lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
That call and say, come dance with me
and murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me
At seventeen.

Just think about it.

With care,
Mayms

1:34 p.m - 2002-03-10

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next