ndslotesse's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I want... Dear Diary, I just wanted to say that I've been looking at other people diaries for the past few minutes and came across one that I really liked. It made sense. She spoke of being a "sad girl" that has happy moments. That's exactly how I feel. A girl who is always so lost and yet so collected. I find myself knowing and not knowing who and what I am. I wake up in the middle of night scared to death of what might happen tommorow. I wake up in the middle of the night crying because I'm unsure. I wake up in the middle of the night, worrying if I did my homework, and if I did it right. I have the most strangest worries in the world, and I know that people out there might understand what I'm going through but no one wants to share with me. No one, out there...wants to listen to me, all they want to talk about is themselves. I have no probelm with no that, seriously, it's just sometimes when I want to say something, they change the subject, for them. It hurts me. It makes me feel unwanted and alone. As if, I'm not good enough for them to listen to me. As if, everything that I say isn't good enough for them to hear. As if, I'm just a tool that they use to ease their own pain. But, who will ease my pain? Who will listen to my worries? It bothers me when I think of this, because it makes me feel greedy. I don't want to be greedy. I want someone to listen to me. I use to want so badly, a lover. But, what I realize now is what I want is a companion. A best-friend. Someone that will hold my head, bear my burdens and I'll bear theirs. I want someone to love me and I'll love them back more. I want to look at the world in rose tinted glasses, instead of just black and white. I want to be happy with who I am, and not so dependent on miracles to make me happy. I don't want to be greedy, I don't want to be. I want... With care, 3:33 p.m. - 2002-04-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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